He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
