She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
