if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
