would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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