She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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