he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
