I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
