Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
