I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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