If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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