Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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