He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
