She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
