I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
