Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
