we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
