I met the friendliest cop last night
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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