I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
