i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
