She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
