is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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