I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
