I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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