im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
