If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
