She announced her abortion via fbk
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
