when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
