man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Randomize
