Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
