i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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