and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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