Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
