Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
