$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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