1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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