According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
this boner is exhausting
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
