If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
