dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
