My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
