And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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