so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
