Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
