Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
