Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
