WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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