Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
