guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
