oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
