he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
