I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
