he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
