I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
