Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
