we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
