discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
