She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
