i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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