i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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